I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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