i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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