I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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