The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We had sex on a dog bed..
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
