He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
