I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We are two peas in an std pod
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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