I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
