Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize