The best revenge is premature balding
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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