just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
