My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
