I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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