Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
