I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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