I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
