remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
