I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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