What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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