I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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