Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
