how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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