you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
