so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
