I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
