You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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