Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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