Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
