i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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