so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
