I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
