i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
