Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
