Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
