i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I need to calm my uterus...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
