I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
