Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
