i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
