Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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