You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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