1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
