okay pat passed out under dana's car
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
