just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
