I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So much rum. So many feels.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
