he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
