how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
