yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
