i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
