that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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