i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
