my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
