Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
