He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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