My liver just broke up with me...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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