so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
