no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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