Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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