My sheets look like a crime scene.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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