is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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