I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
