bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
