How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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