She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
