I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
