They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
