I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
