the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
A+ Viking dick
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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