just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
