Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
