well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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