First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize