If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
